I’m No Julia, But You Can Call Me Betty

Let’s make one thing clear. I don’t cook. I bake.

Now, I can cook, and I’m pretty decent at it, but no one really likes to make elaborate meals for one. When you’re a single it’s much easier to select a gourmet meal from the frozen food aisle then to try and divide a recipe by 4, dirty every pan in your kitchen, and then still probably have leftovers you’re never going to eat.

So instead, I bake. The beauty of baking is that it’s easy to share. If I want say, a brownie, but I really just want one (or I might not even want the actual brownie, I may really just want to stick my head in the bowl and lap up the batter) then I can foist the baked goods on my co-workers. They will equally love and hate me for it. For instance, last week when I was in the midst of starting a very disciplined eating regimen, the following were foisted on the office: doughnuts, blueberry cake, cookies, Valentine’s candy, etc. I HATED my co-workers for so obviously attempting to sabotage my self-control. But I LOVED them with every bite of the sugary morsels. Sadly, this was not an atypical week. This is pretty much EVERY week. And this is why I can’t quite cut that last five pounds.

Well dammit. If you can’t beat ‘em, then join ‘em, right? For your viewing pleasure, here are my Ultimate Brownies, which incidentally won our office Brownie Bakeoff. (See, we even compete over who can most deliciously fatten up the office!)


These are the Chuck Norris, the Mickey Rourke, the Eastwood of Brownies. They are Bad. Ass. My friend Sarah lovingly refers to them as “slut brownies.” This is because they “have everything in them, but are easy to make.” I’m not certain about the chastity of my brownies, but I can say with confidence that these little Lolitas have all the right goods.

We’re talking buttery chocolate chip cookies —


That irresistible American classic, the Doublestuf Oreo —


Topped off with dark chocolate brownie – 


And finally, here’s the secret weapon – see that hot fudge in the background? That stuff stays gooey no matter how long you bake it. Mix it in with the brownie batter, and voila! You’ve got brownies that always have that awesome not-quite-fully-baked consistency. Perfect, gooey, irresistible!

And now I’m going to show you what Betty never would. The aftermath.


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