On New Year’s Resolutions

This year I opted not to set any formal resolutions. I foolishly thought that neglecting to officialize my yearly goals (I’m making officialize a word – starting now) I would be more likely to achieve them.


Two weeks into the New Year, I’m changing my mind.


Even if 80% of resolutions fail, then that means that some where, and in some way, 20% actually make it work. I’m alright with those chances. If I find myself 20% better this year than I was in the last, then at least I’m moving forward. I find that sans resolution I’m really not doing a whole lot – at all. In fact, I’ve emerged into 2012 in a sort of backslide. 2011 wasn’t a bad year, but I want 2012 to be epically better. So here goes.

  1. I resolve to meditate daily – at least 15 minutes each day. I bought a pretty new cushion and everything — it has dragons. Dragon are awesome, and must be sat on. Perhaps I will imagine I am riding one to a far off land. Falcore! (Ok, geek moment. I’m back.)
  2. I resolve to get into the best shape of my life, and be fit – not just thin. I will start with incorporating physical activity at least 3 days of the week. Starting now, physical activity does NOT include searching to find new batteries for the remote. 
  3. I resolve to add one healthy item into my diet each week. This weekend, I’m thinking kale. Those kale chips are supposed to be tasty! Next week, a faceoff between kale chips and sea weed chips for which I expect a battle of heroic proportions. There will be blood, sweat, and tears! (Or at least some chili pepper, a little olive oil, and a dash of sea salt.)
  4. I resolve to curb my judgmentalism. This starts with a media cleanse. Each time I see a Kardashian, I will bark. Each time I bark, people will look at me strangely. At all cost I will learn to avoid gossip magazines, reality TV and Kohl’s (or is it JCPenney that carries the Kardashian line? I just assumed with the K and all they’d want to keep up the alliteration…)
  5. I resolve to think more of others, less of myself. This may be the toughest one yet, but I am going to try to hold a conversation without once bringing it back around to my favorite subject. Perhaps I will convert the mini stun gun my father recently purchased for me into an Inconspicuous Personal Admonishing Device (I’ll call it an IPAD, catchy right?!) It will administer a low dose of voltage straight to my arm pit when I utilize phrases such as “The same thing happened to me when…” or, the more subtle, “Right, but back to me…” If my plan succeeds, I’ll switch my career to Life Coach and make millions. Everyone wins.

Happy Resoluting!


P.S. My genius is only validated by my ability to make up approximately three words in the above post. You probably only noticed two of the three. I win. Ouch! Damn IPAD!


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