I am convinced that the universe is not-so-subtley, and not-so-gently, shoving me out of the nest. If an incredible job in NYC wasn’t adequate to tempt me to venture into the great wide world, then Match.com is enough to have me eagerly bolting towards crammed subways and closet-sized studio apartments.

Let’s play the dating game — Match.com style.

Ladies and gentleman, our bachlorette this evening is Brittany — a 24-year-old project manager from Charlotte, North Carolina. She enjoys hiking, photography, video games and volunteering work. She never leaves the house without her six inch heels, and her ideal date would be spending an afternoon crushing alien scum via Gears of War co-op.

Now, let’s meet our bachelors, courtesy of Match.com.

Bachelor #1

He’s 5’6″ — so looks like the heels are out. As a matter-of-fact, 80% of all my matches are less than 5’8″. Yes, Match.com — as a short person, I guess it would be politically correct for me to stick with my own kind. However, as someone once told me (and this was the only time I believe it wasn’t a racial slur exiting his mouth) — short women like to procreate with tall men for fear of birthing short children.

Did I mention that guy was also a winner? My dating life sucks. Big. time.

Let’s see who’s next, shall we?

Bachelor #2

He’s 56. Can I stop there? Oh wait, and he’s from Fort Mill. Even better, he has 2 kids… that I probably graduated college with.

Really? Why the french toast is this guy even able to email me?!


One thought on “Unmatched.com

  1. Pamela says:

    Doesn’t match.com let you set parameters for height, age, etc? If not, eHarmony does, so maybe you should check it out.

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